


Life

by sanctuary_for_all



Series: A Thousand Ways [21]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I totally blame Alex for this, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene, damn it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 00:03:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21364876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all
Summary: Every once in awhile, it turns out, we do get to live life on our own terms. (Post-ep for 10X7)
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: A Thousand Ways [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/625055
Comments: 17
Kudos: 345





	Life

**Author's Note:**

> I've been swearing for years now that I was going to give up on trying to write fix-it fic for current 5-0 canon, but I honestly thought season 10 would finally be the year I'd actually do it. Surely I wouldn't be able to find any fodder in the painful disaster that the season has been so far. Right? Right?  
  
Sigh.

Steve stared up at the darkened ceiling of the hotel room, breathing slowly and trying hard not to think about anything at all. Whenever he got close, he slowly, deliberately pushed a finger into his injured shoulder and concentrated on the resulting flare of pain. It wasn’t quite enough to overwhelm the raw, bleeding hole in the middle of his chest, but it was the least painful thing available to concentrate on.

Or at least the simplest available thing to concentrate on. The slow, steady breathing from the couch had been the source of more joy than pain over the nine years, three months, and 15 days they’d known each other. Hell, he and the kids had been the source of most of Steve’s joy since then, full stop. The fact that he was also the source of a near-constant ache inside Steve, one that had only gotten worse the last few years, didn’t mean—

“Has anyone ever told you that you brood _really_ loudly?”

Steve squeezed his eyes shut, waiting out the sudden lump in his throat before he could risk saying anything. “I wasn’t brooding.” His voice was rough, and he hoped like hell Danny thought it was from sleep rather than emotion. “I was too distracted by the sound of you not complaining about the couch.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was sleeping like a baby until you woke me up.” There was a moment of silence, and Steve could almost feel Danny weighing what to say next. “If it’s the shoulder, I know a few tricks.”

They both knew it wasn’t the shoulder. But it was an offer, carefully constructed to let Steve take as much or as little of it as he wanted. In all his life, he couldn’t think of anyone else who knew him that well. “Just get in the bed, Danny.”

“I know we’re both good-looking blondes, but I feel like you’re confusing me with Eddie right now.” Still, he could hear the quiet sounds of Danny getting up and moving to the other side of the bed, the side next to Steve’s good shoulder. The one he’d left open when he went to bed, without even thinking about it.

When it came to Danny, Steve’s subconscious was always going to betray him.

He opened his eyes again, reminding himself that it didn’t matter. _We don’t get life on our terms. We get life on life’s terms._ “You’re also both pretty short.”

“Shut it.” There was no heat in Danny’s voice as he laid down on the bed. Steve was careful not to look at him, to keep his eyes on the ceiling, but he could still feel Danny watching him. Waiting, probably, for some sign Steve wouldn’t even know he was making.

He swallowed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Danny made a dismissive noise. “Of course you don’t want to talk about it. It’s like you think I don’t know you at all.”

The silence fell again, both of them waiting now. Sleep was even further away than it had been before, if that was possible, but the pain was easier to manage. He was, somehow, even a little bit comforted.

Danny saved him. It was what he did.

Eventually, Steve felt the brush of fingertips against his good arm. “I get what you meant about living life on life’s terms. I haven’t dealt with nearly the shit you’ve had, but…” He hesitated, the silence heavy.

Steve thought about Matt, about the years Danny had been without Charlie, and finished the sentence for him. “We’ve both lost.”

“Yeah.” The word was soft. “The thing is, though, life has good things, too. I got my kids.” Another pause, but the silence was different this time. “I got you.”

Steve squeezed his eyes shut again, the tears welling up.

Danny let out a breath, fingers sliding upward to rest lightly against his shoulder. “You’re not alone, Steve. It might not feel like it’s worth shit right now, but you’re not.”

Fuck, that hurt. It was a different pain than everything else, an overstrained muscle rather than a gut wound. The pain of living, rather than the pain of dying.

Still, it hurt like hell.

He swallowed, voice a rasp. “I’d be dead right now, if it weren’t for you. More than once.”

Danny’s hold on him tightened a little. “We’re partners. We watch each other’s backs.”

Steve opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling again. “That’s true.” He pressed a finger into his injured shoulder again, hoping it would distract him from what he was about to do.

This time, though, Danny was close enough to know exactly what he was doing. “Damn it, Steve.” He sat up, physically pulling Steve’s hand away from his injured arm. “Don’t _do_ shit like that.” 

Against his own will, he turned to look up at Danny in the darkness. He felt like he was stepping out of an airplane, the freefall close around him. “You’ve stopped a lot of people from killing me over the years,” he said quietly. “But that wasn’t what I meant.”

Danny stiffened, his hand tightening around Steve’s in a spasm. Even when he started breathing, though, his grip didn’t relax. “Do not even _think_ about it.” His voice was a threat. “_However_ you mean what you just said, I swear I will follow you into the afterlife and kick your ass from one end to the other.”

Steve knew he should at least try and pry his hand away from Danny’s. But he didn’t want to. “What does Rachel think about that?”

Danny stiffened again, and it was a few moments before he spoke. “Like you said. We don’t get to live life on our terms.”

And there was this. The best thing, and possibly the worst thing, life had done to him. Was it better to only know misery, or get so close to having everything you ever wanted and never quite reaching it? “She has you. She’s doing fine.”

It wasn’t until he heard the breath leave Danny’s lungs that Steve realized what he’d said. He could feel everything inside him lock down, old survival instincts kicking in. It was the only thing keeping the ice-cold terror at bay. “You keep the bed.” He pulled his hand away from Danny’s, trying to get up and out of the bed as quickly as his shoulder would allow. He looked everywhere but at Danny, not brave enough to risk it even under the cover of darkness. “At least one of us should get some—”

He stopped when Danny lunged across the bed, grabbing fistfuls of Steve’s shirt to keep him in place. “Damn it, get back here.”

Steve stopped moving, but he didn’t turn around. Maybe it was fitting that now, of all times, would be when he finally managed to break this. “It’s okay, Danny.” He let out a shaky breath. “I accepted it a long time ago.”

He heard Danny suck in a sharp breath, then felt him move closer on the bed. His hands were still fisted in Steve’s shirt when he came up right behind him, leaning the side of his head against Steve’s. “You idiot,” he breathed, his own voice a rasp. “I was talking about _me._”

This time, it was Steve’s turn to stop breathing. “What?”

Danny made a sound that was slightly too crazed to be a laugh. “We’re both fucking _morons_.” He started pulling Steve backwards, turning him around, and Steve let himself be moved. When Danny’s arms came around him, tight but careful not to touch Steve’s bad shoulder, something inside him broke. “I cannot _believe_ how stupid we both are.”

Steve clung with his good arm, tears welling up as he pressed his face against Danny’s neck. “If I’m dreaming,” he rasped, “please don’t wake me up.”

“You’re not dreaming, you asshole. We’re both just too stupid to live.” His voice was thick as he pulled back enough to look at Steve, hands against the sides of his face. “I am going to kiss the _hell_ out of you when you no longer feel like shit, alright?” He winced. “Also, I’ll have to have a conversation with Rachel. But I’m guessing that’ll be faster than you no longer feeling like shit.”

Steve pulled him close again, feeling like his heart was going to explode out of his chest. Tears were streaming down his face now, and he still wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t hallucinating this. “How could you not know?”

“I already answered it for both of us, but I could ask you the same question.” Danny tightened his arms around Steve, hard enough this time that his shoulder protested. But that was nothing compared to everything else inside him. “Why in the hell do you think I keep flying thousands of miles for you in the first place?”

Steve squeezed his eyes shut. “I never knew.”

“Like I said, we’re both fucking morons.” His grip gentled as he nudged him back down to the bed. “Go to sleep, asshole. We’ll do our best to have some intelligent conversation about this in the morning.”

Steve let himself be laid back down, pulling Danny on top of him. “Don’t go.”

Danny made an amused sound, but he let himself be pulled. “I don’t know if you’ve been listening for the last nine years,” he murmured, laying his head on Steve’s good shoulder, “but I’m not planning on it.”

Steve closed his eyes, arm tightening around Danny. “Thank you.”

After a moment, he felt the soft press of lips against his shirt. “Any time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come check out my [original fiction,](https://jennifferwardell.wixsite.com/mybooks) my [blog,](http://jennifferwardell.blogspot.com) or say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://sanctuaryforalluniverses.tumblr.com)!


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